Before you say, “Ewwww!” hear me out—it may not be
your thing, but then again, if you’re open-minded and
experimental, just think, you might find an amazing new
sex act to add to your repertoire! If the thought makes
you squirm, and not in a good way, then go ahead and
click back—but if you’re even a little bit curious about
oral-anal contact, then read on, and let’s find out about
“analingus,” as it is technically called, (and yes, that is
the correct spelling, look it up!) or more commonly
“rimming” in porn and erotica circles.
Remember when oral sex used to be a “no-no?” (Okay,
maybe you’re not old enough to remember, but it’s
true!) There was a time when it was outlawed in most
states, and it was considered a perversion. No one
admitted they did it, even if they did. Can you imagine
your sex life without oral? I didn’t think so! Rimming
(I’ll use this colloquial phrase from now on) is one of
those sex acts that still remains in the sexual dark
ages. It’s time we brought it into the light, for those
who want to venture into that arena. There isn’t (and
shouldn’t be) any shame associated with any sexual act
Still, feeling some hesitation and even a little
embarrassment about rimming is normal, for the very
reason I state above—the anus is one part of our body
that we have internalized a great deal of shame about in
our culture. It takes overcoming some of that to even
entertain the idea, let alone actually attempt it.
You might want to try some other forms of anal play
first—fingers or toys—before you move on to anal-oral
contact. In fact, I would bet if you’re actually curious
about it, and not just reading this for the gross-out
factor like someone slowing down at the scene of an
accident, you probably have already been involved in
some sort of anal play.
Sometimes couples fall into this experience through a
delightful mishap—he is going down on her, and—oops!
His tongue slips down lower than either of them
expected, and she jumps and moans and they both look
at each other like: “Wow! What was that?!” It can
happen the other way around, too, if he likes to have his
balls and perineum licked and sucked—especially if it’s
dark! Either way, this happy accident can lead to a
desire to explore this idea further.
If you’re interested in it, but your partner isn’t, let it go.
One sex act shouldn’t ever come between you, and who
can enjoy something if they know the other person isn’t
enjoying themselves, too? But if you’re both curious and
interested, just not sure how to proceed, then talk about
it. Who wants to give? Who wants to receive?
Sometimes it’s both of you, sometimes it’s just one of
you. If there are concerns about hygiene, then read on,
because I’m about to assuage them.
The biggest fear with oral-anal contact is feces. (Some
of us won’t even put food that’s fallen on the floor into
our mouths!) If you can get past the psychological
aspect of it, the reality is that with proper hygiene, there
is very little danger of coming in contact with feces.
Why? Fecal material is actually stored above the rectum
in the colon. There are only trace amounts that remain
in the rectum or on the anus, which can easily be
Infection is the real concern—the possibility of
introducing bacteria into our digestive tract from oral-
anal contact. The dangerous bacteria are E. coli,
Salmonella, intestinal parasites like Giardia, and of
course, AIDS. The good news is you can seriously
minimize your risks. If you are in an exclusive,
monogamous relationship, and you know that neither of
you is HIV positive, has any STDs, and are free of
parasites, careful washing should be sufficient.
You can shower together, which is always fun foreplay,
anyway. One technique I’ve learned is to fill the tub
halfway, squat down, and insert a soapy finger into the
anus. Turn your finger around a few times, so the water
and the soap wash away any residue in and around the
Some couples prefer to do enemas, which clean out the
entire colon. You can actually buy disposable enemas,
or if you’re in this for the long-haul, get yourself a kit.
They’re easy to use—while on your hands and knees,
you just insert the little nozzle into the anus, and
squeeze the bottle to push the fluid into the rectum. You
will feel the urge to go after a few moments, and you
can sit in the toilet and just allow the fluid to drain.
If you’re still hesitant, you can use a dental dam—a kind
of rubber sheet that works sort of like a condom for the
mouth. You can approximate one of these using
unlubricated condoms (don’t use any lubricated ones or
any with spermicide!) or even just some Saran wrap!
Kind of like sex with a condom, it doesn’t feel quite the
same, but it’s still pretty good—and it’s 100% safe.
Now, on to the fun part—actually trying it! It helps to
get relaxed. A sensual massage from the giver to the
receiver can only be helpful. Whatever you can do to
relax each other, do it! My favorite position is doggie
style—for two reasons: 1.) it provides maximum
exposure but still allows for genital play and 2.) it is the
One of the turn-ons of rimming can be the surrender in
it. You are opening up parts of yourself to a lover that
have never been touched—not only that, they have been
culturally shunned and rejected. Many of our
associations with the anus are negative: that’s a “bad”
part of the body or that part of us isn’t “ok.” This is a
way to give yourself wholly and completely to your
partner, and for your partner to accept you that way as
well. I’ve also heard couples say that this position
works well, especially the first time—if the receiver
needs to hide their face in a pillow at first to deal with
any shame that comes up.
Other positions you can try are doggie-style, but
standing up. Just make sure you have something to
hold onto that’s stable! You can also lie on your back,
but I would suggest using a pillow under the hips to
raise everything up. I’ve also known couples who can
do a sixty-nine position, but unless you do lots of yoga
or are a gymnast, I don’t know that you want to try this
on the first go!
So, now you’re relaxed, you’re positioned… it’s the
moment you’ve been waiting for. Don’t rush it—ease
into things, so to speak. Kiss and touch and lick all
around the area first, starting wide and moving in—begin
with the hips, the lower back, the thighs, and of course,
the ass. Nibble, suck, stroke with your hands, and move
in, slowly, toward the anus, a little bit at a time.
It’s good to start with kisses. Just feather little kisses
around the anus. Pay attention to your lover’s response.
If they back away, start wide and circle in again.
Sometimes you have to build up to it. You can also try
some genital stimulation first to heighten arousal— with
your fingers, though, not with your tongue. Unless you
are using a dental dam or a facsimile, once your lips
and tongue have touched the anus, you don’t want to
put them anywhere else until you’re done.
If your lover is enjoying the kisses, move on to using
your tongue. Flatten your tongue and press it against
the anus. You can wiggle it back and forth gently, or
start just by licking with the flat of your tongue. How
does this feel? Um—fantastic! The anus has lots and
lots of nerve endings, and they are highly sensitive to
touch. Kind of like with oral sex—fingers are ok, but a
tongue? Oh, heaven!
Once your lover is starting to respond to your licking
(moaning and squirming and arching the back are all
very common now!) you can try pointing your tongue
and sliding it into the anus. This is kind of the scary
part for the giver, but remember, you’ve done everything
possible to be clean—let down your inhibitions, and
listen to the sound of your lover’s response. That’s
usually enough to keep the giver motivated to keep
You can (and should) keep stimulating your lover’s anus
until they tell you to stop. You can keep up manual
genital stimulation as well (or your partner can do it for
themselves). Having an orgasm with a tongue sliding in
and out of your anus—I just can’t do it justice in a
description, I’m sorry! Fireworks, weak knees, ringing in
the ears, you name it.
When you’re completely done, the giver should wash
their mouth out with an antiseptic mouthwash, just to
be on the (very!) safe side. Listerine is probably the
best (I’m not doing a commercial, honest—but anything
that tastes that bad has to kill more germs, right?) If
your hands have come in contact with the anus, you
should also wash those.
Rimming can be a very pleasurable experience, if you’re
willing to give it a try. There are definitely very safe
ways to practice it, minimizing all the risks—and the
benefits are extraordinary! You can have deeper
intimacy, more pleasure, and you now have something
new to add to your bag of tricks to keep your sex life
Before you say, “Ewwww!” hear me out—it may not be