I was sulking in the back as the truck pulled into the golf course parking lot. I had been there many times before to use the driving range and practice on the greens but had never actually been allowed to accompany the three of them as they played. Usually they went on days that I was spending with a friend or something like that. But this day was different. They actually SAID I would get to golf with them! And then there was the looming curiosity over ‘the talk’. I had no idea why this was looked at as so important but I’d heard about its coming so long that I was full of curiosity. Mom got out and walked toward the back and just before Dad got out Chris stopped him.
“I’ve still got a bit of my beer.” He said, smiling toward me in a mocking manner. He knew I was upset that I wasn’t allowed to have one.
“Too bad.” My dad stated simply. Then he went on, “Put it between the seat and the back. You’ll have to drink it on the way home since you weren’t smart enough to finish it before we got a parking lot.” He smiled looking at me and I smiled back. It was a minor punishment but at least I felt like my br other got a LITTLE of what was coming to him. We got out of the truck and my b*****r took the cooler out, carrying it to the tailgate. He stumbled and almost lost it, each muscle on his body straining to lift it before sighing in relief as he placed it on the truck extension.
“Damn! That’s heavy!” Chris declared and Daddy just laughed. I expected him to get scolded for his language but it never happened.
“It’s always lighter on the way back. Drink a few and you’ll see.” He laughed to himself and hoisted his bag of clubs over his shoulder. My Mom did the same with my b*****r’s set and they started heading toward the clubhouse. I stood on the back tire and peered over the edge of the bed but there wasn’t anything left when Chris started following them with the cooler.
“Where are my clubs!?” I cried out.
My mom responded, “C’mon!” and I hurried to keep up.
“B-but?” I argued.
“You’re not gonna actually ‘PLAY’ today hun. But guess what!? You get to drive the CART!” Mommy said with an excited tone. I could see through this. I wasn’t good enough to play with them and thinking I finally could was a joke. Letting me drive the cart was a joke. I was really beginning to get frustrated with being treated like a chi ld. On the other hand, driving the cart sounded really fun and I didn’t want to whine and ruin my opportunity to join them. I wanted to finally have ‘the talk’ so I could KNOW what it was and stop thinking about it.
“Mnarwrite” I said in a slightly whiny voice and Daddy looked back at me over the clubs that where straddled on his shoulder. I decided then to shut up and follow as we entered the Club House. Daddy walked to the counter where an old, chubby man sat. His head was bald except for a few long dark hairs combed over the top and some patches on the side. He seemed to be busy watching a small screen just under the counter, but he smiled and greeted my Dad warmly.
“Hey Frank.” Daddy greeted.
“Hey Yourself!” Frank called back. “Haven’t seen ya in a while!” he said and sk** his little portable black and white TV within view of the taller folk. He sincerely seemed delighted to see my Dad and all of us. Frank was always really nice. “Ya guys gonna play today? Ya want me to get Emma so Robbie can have someone to keep him company?” he asked. I dreaded the question. Emma was Frank’s daughter and 3 years younger than me. Absolutely silly and fun but right now wanted to be with the grownups. Normally when my parents and Chris would go play I would practice at the driving range with Frank’s wife Danelle or practically babysit Emma while they ran the business.
“What’s the sc ore?” My father asked while approaching the counter and then went on, “Naw. Robbie’s gonna ride with us today.” And when he reveled this bit Frank took notice. I smiled proudly as he looked at me and then to my father.
“Ahhh okay.” He said smiling at me.
“And it’s a bit of a different day…” My Dad went on. “I need ya ta shut ‘er down.” He said casually.
When he heard this Franks eyes lit up wide. “What!? Den you gotta be k**den me. It’s SATURDAY!” He said with an extreme emphasis. I mean, this is my business here ya gotta give me a little…” He looked at Daddy and coward visually after a moment, breaking the contact. “Seriously?” he went on. “Completely!?”
“Well not COMPLETELY.” Daddy said. “I mean if they’re local, you know ‘em, they’re IN the town…” Daddy’s emphasis on the word really caught my attention. “Then yeah, let ‘em play. But nobody behind us for a bit, got it?” Daddy looked at Frank sternly. Frank didn’t reply. “Wow…” was all Daddy said before reaching into his back pocket and pulling out his checkbook. “What’s projection for today? …don’t highball that shit on me either.” Daddy looked frustrated.
“Ahhh c’mon Den I mean it’s just like…” Frank hesitated. “I got Saturday at three thirty…” he said, hesitating to look at my dad. I had no idea what they were talking about.
“Fuck it. This is bullshit, and you know it’s bullshit Frank. Just remember that next time it comes around.” While he was talking my Dad put his checkbook back in his back pocket and came back from the same pocket with his wallet. He opened it up, sifted through some cash and took out a few bills. He laid one, two, three, and four on the counter. “THERE! Now don’t gimme any shit even though I KNOW that projection is bullshit! Even so you’re fifty dollars over! Now shut the bitch down.”
Frank smiled and hesitantly took the bills off of the counter and placed them in his back pocket. “I mean I would… it’s just the damn…” he couldn’t finish a sentence.
“Don’t worry ‘bout it Frank. And you’re welcome to watch on the 7th if ya want.” Daddy said before knocking on the counter and turning to go out the door facing the first tee off. Frank was smiling so brightly I almost forgot ANYthing had transpired. Not that I understood what in fact did.
Just then a couple walked in dressed in snazzy golf attire. The man carried both club bags on his back and still managed to open the door. I followed my br other outside just after watching Frank sigh and frown at the couple. Dad was already sticking his tee into the ground and Mom was stretching, swing her club this way and that, bending this way and that. It was then that I realized how short her ‘golfing’ skirt really was. Chris had just brought out one of his clubs and started swinging it in a practicing fashion when Daddy hit his first drive. It went long and straight. Right down the fairway.
My Mother stepped up and I noticed the bottoms of her asscheeks peering out from below her short skirt as she stepped up to swing. At that moment I also heard raised voices from inside the clubhouse but couldn’t make them out. Mom swung and it sliced slightly to the right but remained on the fairway. Chris stepped up and I heard a definite, “This’s bullshit!” come from inside. He swung and drove it straight, further than mommy but short of Daddy’s ball.
We gathered our things, Chris still carrying the cooler and mom and dad their clubs and made our way to the golf cart. The key was waiting in the ignition and I wasted NO time hurrying to the driver’s seat. Dad secured his bag on the back and sat next to me in the middle of the bench seat and Mom did the same, sitting on the end. Chris stepped up on the side and held onto the sidebar. “Well… go ahead.” Daddy said and I turned the key. It started up immediately though silently. I pressed the gas and it revved up but didn’t go. “Here…” Dad said and reached for a lever just between my legs.
When it clicked we started going and everyone laughed while I panicked. I hit the break so hard Chris nearly flew off. We started going and I got the hang of it eventually. First was Mom’s ball. I drove up next to it on the right and she got out before I finished stopping, grabbing a club from the pink bag. I was paying attention to my mom when my dad asked, “Do you know what ‘Love’ is son?”
I was taken aback slightly but responded, “Yes sir.”
“And what do YOU think ‘Love’ is Bud?” he asked.
“Love is when you really care about someone, want them to be happy, and will do ANYthing for them.” I responded without thinking.
“That’s very well said…” His voice sounding like it was deep in thought. I blushed slightly at impressing him. “But do you know what people do when they’re IN love?” he asked.
Mom had finished her shot and hopped back onboard. I tried my best to drive straight to Chris’s ball, again pulling up on the right. He hopped off, already holding the club he needed and started his practice swing. I felt embarrassed with Mommy sitting next to us but I put that aside and asked, “Do you mean… Sex?” Both my parents smiled and daddy responded,
“Well Bud? Do you even know what that is?” he asked and Chris had finished his shot. I started driving toward daddy’s ball and when we got there Mom got out and he followed, taking his swing. He got back in and she sat down beside him and I drove toward the green where all their balls were. “Not too close. Pull up there at the side of the hill. The carts don’t go on the greens.” He said and I obeyed. The conversation was put on hold as they each putted in and we continued to the next hole.
“FINALLY!” My b*****r cried and went to the back of the cart, retrieving three beers, handing two to my parents and cracking the third for himself. My mother could see my disappointment and told me there was soda in there too if I was thirsty. Mom and Chris made their way toward their balls but Daddy remained on the cart with me.
“So?” he asked.
“I know a man sticks his penis in a woman…” I felt so embarrassed. “And that’s how babies are made.” I said.
Daddy chuckled, “heh, yeah that’s a part of it. There’s more than that though Bud. Sex is something people do when they’re in love, yes. But it’s also something that’s very enjoyable and sometimes people do it for fun, or to feel good.” I took his words in and thought about so much before he finally got up and hit his ball. The conversation went like this throughout the first few holes. All of them opening a new beer at each tee off and Daddy pulling a film canister out of his pocket and lighting one of the cigarettes he rolled. It smelled different, like the living room at night but I was most surprised when they passed it to Chris! He inhaled and passed it back to Mom before hopping back on the side so we could continue.
“We need to talk about these things Bud… I want you to know all about it but there are a few things we need to go over before we tell ya…” He said it as if it were a test. I pulled up to the next ball and looked at him.
“Soooo….? TELL me!” I said. I worried about the impatience in my voice but was relieved when Daddy smiled.
Daddy took a long draw from his green cigarette and laughed. He told me to take my clothes off!! I sat in utter surprise, looking to Mommy and Chris for help but both just smiled at me… I didn’t think he was serious. “What?” Was all I could muster.
“You heard me Bud. Take your clothes off, it’s easier to SHOW you than explain it…” He said it with NO tone of joking in his voice. I laughed nervously and looked around. I was always told I couldn’t golf with them because I’d hold up the people behind us but there was no one. We sat there, my father looking like he was waiting, my mother the same. Chris gave me a nod and a smile and I started removing me clothes despite being out in the open…