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PRISONER OF DESIRE

It was love at first sight when saw him step up to the table to be issued his uniform. The guard shuffled through the pile to find something that would fit him. He was a slight young Asian boy whom I estimated to be around eighteen. He had had long black hair that fell to his shoulders and was constantly being brushed away from his face. He’ll soon be losing that when he is shaved like the rest of us. He was beautiful and it provoked a stirring in my cock. I had to look away before a full erection blossomed. Guards were on the constant watch for any cause to beat a prisoner and any homosexual activity would send a flurry of blows. In another time I would have pursued these feellings. I loved bookish boys. He wore glasses which he nervously touched and adjusted..
The arrival of new prisoners was never greeted warmly by any of the prisoners. The rations were thin already and now they would have to be stretched even thinner. The new ones were not accustomed to the meager portions as we were. It was either by design or by circumstance that our bodies were kept weakened by the lack of proper food but was just enough to keep us alive and working and conditioned to be less human, robbed of identity and our sexuality.
I have been here six months now. I was arrested when there was a raid on Abott’s Park. This was well know area for homosexual activity, quick sexual encounters in the small wooded area. I was not a frequent visitor but sometimes I got horny and restless if I did have a boyfriend at the time. The Party was making it hard to meet people in any casual way by closing bars and any place where we gathered so locations like Abott’s Park appeared throughout the city. The night of the raid I was walking around when I spotted a young man in his early twenties. He was Indian and wore the sweater of a local college. We stepped off the path and found a location with a marginal degree of privacy. We spotted another couple nearby enthusiastically fucking, their pants pushed down just far enough so in case they can be quickly pulled up for a hasty departure. I wish now I can recall the young man’s name. He had a huge cock. I fell to the ground and began sucking him. These were brief encounters were always done with a degree of anxiety and suspicion as you never knew who might be an informent ready to turn you in for “deviant and corrupt behaviour”. But sexual deprivation clouded one’s sense of fear just to enjoy a few fleeting moments of pleasure. I felt relatively secure he was not a secret member of The Party as their members tended to look the same. I am not sure how he felt about me but he seemed happy to join me.But how long before he was purged from whatever position he held. These encounters were always tainted by sadness. Even with his cock half way down my throat the pleasure was mixed. His cock inched further down my throat and I gently kneaded his heavy balls. He moaned softly. I inserted my index finger up his ass and caused him draw his breath sharply. It all ended abruptly and the park was overrun by a team of goons in black jumpers which sported the symbol of The Party. There was yelling and scrambling to flee but we were surrounded. We were all arrested and dragged to waiting vans.
This seemed like a lifetime ago but it’s only been six months. I think of the Indian and how he was not even given the opportunity to have one final orgasm. I lost sight of him in the confusion as it became every man for themselves. We were flogged and called every vile name imaginable. They went about their task with a wild glee. It was designed to degrade and humiliate us. But the blow of a baton woke me from my daydreams. The guards enjoyed beating us and got carried away sometimes, laughing in our faces. There was one who was a good and fair one. He was tall and blond and only rarely struck anyone. I had a wet dream about him one night. I couldn’t believe I was capable of having wet dreams at my age. He had pale blue eyes that seemed to soften his character and seperate him from the others. His name was Officer Watts. I secret loved him and imagined us in bed together. He has a very large cock in these fantasies with soft blond curled hair around the base but his balls were smooth and hairless. It was these fantasies which kept my mind active and alive. I watched other prisoners regress into something less than human. It was a struggle to sustain even a meager amount of humanity in places like these which were designed to do just the opposite but the alternative was to become an empty zombie, devoid of hope or life.
Even among the prisoners homosexual activity was viewed negatively as most were heterosexual males who probably had wives and girlfriends before circumstances placed them here. But they ridgedly maintained their heterosexual character and often tried to get a glimpse regardless how fleeting of any female in the ajoining camp. The camps were sexually segregated and there was no mingling of the two upon arrival at the camp but they still strained for a spotting of any female perhaps working out in the yard. Even when they had been shaven bald and f***ed to wear rags they still possessed a femimine quality that kept them active. There were stories that floated around of arranged orgies with the female prisoners. There was no way to varify these stories and they seemed to get more lurid from teller to teller, even going as far as one stating that they were turned to prostitutes to bring money into the camp or at least those who organized it. It was an unbearable thought to many.
I lost sight of the Asian boy for a while. He was brought to where all new prisoners were to have their heads shaved. They arrived here after a number was tattooed on their forearms to identify us. They shuffle in with such a sad state of hopelessness. It was etched so vividly upon their faces. This is were I worked. I had shaved many heads since being given the position. It was a quick and inhuman process, like a factory turning out another product. When the Asian boy took the seat before me I felt a sudden lightheadedness and was as gentle as possible shaving off his hair, the long black strands falling on the floor and on my shoes. I desperately wanted to slip a length of hair into my pocket but the guards patroled endless and this act might get me beaten and removed from the position. There was a delightful erotic sensation to shaving a man’s head. I loved the sensation of the shorn bristled hair under my fingers but I kept a hard and disinterested expression on my face while doing my task. By the end my feet were lost in a pile of hair. But today I was obssessed with the idea of keeping a lock of the Asian boy’s hair. I bent over to tie my shoe and quickly tucked the thickest length of hair I could find into the cuff of my pants and then beckoned the next prisoner forward. My heart raced wildly inside my fragile chest. Later that night I discreetly removed it and held it to my cheek. It was hard to get any privacy since a single bunk might need to accomdate three prisoners at a time but I turned over onto my side and stroked my cock rigorously. I had to be careful not to wake my neighbor and tried to minimize any excessive body movements. Exhaustion and lack of real nuitrition made such body functions frustratingly difficult. I am sure that I was not the only person in the camp who indulged in this activity. I could not even close my eyes so that I might conjure a fantasy I had to be constantly alert to being observed by either an inmate or a guard who periodically walked through the barracks flashing their lights at us at any given moment in the search of any suspicious behaviour.I became more skillful at keeping alert and tugging on my cock with such precise motions while still being able to summon some vague fantasy. It was better when I was closer to the wall and not in the middle. I ejaculated weakly. In my life before I could shoot loads of cum over my boyfriends, glazing their faces or their asses. A ghostly gallery of their faces swam in my mind, now added was the Asian boy.
Whenever this nightmare ended and I was free I dreamed of organizing an orgy and fucking every man in attendence. It was a dream that haunted and taunted me endlessly. I secretly loved all the men around me even though they would never consent to engaging in sex with anyone who didn’t have a vagina. I have had my fair share of heterosexual men who were curious but never wholly committed to the alternative. The loved pussy and that was all there was to that. I was a momentary diversion, a secret they would never tell another living soul. Sometimes I felt like a whore but when a cute guy is flirting with you rational thought goes out the window and you enjoy the moment. Only a few were repeat customers. It feels like a long time ago now and I lay on this bunk with my cock shrinking rapidly in my hand. Once in a very great while a hand while slip into my pants and jerk me off but these occurances are very rare. I think of the Asian boy and drift off.

END OF PART ONE

Updated: October 21, 2016 — 1:24 pm

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